Promise

January 16, 2010, she died of cancer. She was just 22. We were friends from school, right from childhood. On that rainy night, I still remember, she told me she was sick, my face a mask of confusion. She said that she was sick of being sick and she hated God for doing this to her for no reason, and that was when I realized what she meant by that “I am sick…” And then she asked me, “Would you write?” a peculiar expression on her face, “Would you write about me… after I’m gone?” her last few words were barely audible, but I ran away without replying, because not a single word came out of my mouth, just a few sobs, and then I was quiet. I came back home and didn’t talk to her for 3 days. She cheated, I said, we were supposed to be friends forever, but she’s leaving, she’s going… she’s breaking her promise.

At last she came to my home, came upstairs to my room, said nothing but just looked at me with pleading eyes, and all I could say was, ‘you’re dying!’, and we hugged each other and cried silent tears, cried for the precious little time we had… cried for her, for me, for us, our friendship… and we cried our hearts out, and then I told her between sobs, “yes, I’ll do it…”.

Days passed on. We rarely talked about her sickness. On Saturdays she would disappear for treatments and would be back by Monday, and during weekdays neither of us mentioned the weekend. It was like an unwritten but mutually understood rule that we won’t talk about her disease and even if the topic came up, we would steer clear of that topic.

We talked a lot, in class, then on phone. We had so many things to talk about- boys, classes, career, life, music, latest trends, movies, anything and everything but cancer.

At rimes she would grow really quiet. I remember she was really upset and silent after our 10^th board exams, when we were all enthusiastic about selecting subjects for our career. I was worried about her, so I confronted her and this was the answer I got, “Even if I study really hard, it’s not like I’ll be able to do something with this life, slipping slowly out of my hands. It’s like someone is slowly sucking breath out of me…” I stayed quiet. What possibly could I have said to console her aching heart?

Later our ways parted, we both moved to different colleges. But we still kept in touch through phone, mails, letters, chats, texts etc. Now, the time we spent with each other was much lesser, but the bonding grew stronger with each passing day.

Gradually, she stopped calling, texting and we drifted apart. I got busy with my life, new friends, more funny friends who could have more fun instead of sitting quietly fearing exertion.  I got way too busy to notice that she was cutting me off from her life. I took her presence for granted, because for me she was like the constant sun, I would keep moving travelling farther and farther but when I would turn and look, she would be there, smiling, shining, my guiding light, my best friend. But one day, when I turned my sun was gone, it was all dark and I didn’t even notice because I grew so used to dark. I realized that all the new friends were unreal, fake. With masks of friendliness, and with mean a core inside.

Then one day, years later, I got a call from her father. She was sick, terribly sick and in hospital. She wanted to see me.

“I’m sorry…” I started to say as I entered the sterile hospital room. She was lying in bed, her head bald, and her long black hair gone.

“I didn’t keep in touch, I forgot you…” I tried again, but she interrupted me with, “No, I’m sorry. I was the one who drove you away. I never wanted to hurt you; I wanted you to get as unattached as u could get… I’m sorry…” Her voice sounded exhausted, strangled.

“…but I couldn’t help missing you so I asked papa to call you.”

And then she looked into my eyes and said, “I’m dying… but I don’t want to die…” and a tear slipped down the edge of her eye, “I want to live… I’m scared, I think I won’t be able to see tomorrow’s sun, but it’s cool… I don’t mind. I’ve lived enough to make new friends, to have fun, be happy, laugh, and differ between wrong and right. Even if he’s taking my life, he gave me you and my family who all love me…” and then she turned her face the other way.

“Done with your filmy dialogues?” I asked with a fake teasing smile, “Now sleep…”

And soon she drifted off to sleep thanks to the heavy sedatives she was being given; I fled the room and never went to see her again until her funeral. Call me a coward, but I didn’t have the strength to see her dying.

January 16, 2010. She died of cancer. She was just 22, yet she was old enough to understand the deep bond of friendship, old enough to accept the fact that she was dying gracefully. I never saw her whining or complaining or pointing out mistakes in anyone. She was always happy with things as they were. And today I’m keeping my promise. The promise I made to her on that rainy night when we were kids. And although she’s gone, she lives, in every story I write, every book I publish and she smiles at me and tells me that she’s proud of me.

Home Away From Home

I got out of the car with a real bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I assumed this might be motion sickness, though I knew this feeling and was sure it had nothing to do with the 10 hour long drive. "It's a bad idea." My mind kept repeating over and over.

"Sarojini Naidu Girl's hostel", read the building I was about to enter.

"You don't have to do this. Go for the college in your hometown.", the pessimist part of my brain told me.

"Oh, Come on! This is just a hostel, many people live in hostels, to gain education, it's no big deal." said the saner part of me. But I had decided to go with the pessimist in me. I groaned.

"Everything all right?" asked my Dad. "Yep" came the white lie, though I was scared stiff.

We stepped inside the building which was in a desolate condition. I could see girls all around me, sitting on the tables in the mess, looking up at me. I gulped. I hated being the 'newbie'. I could see them checking my clothes out, then my height, built. "Darn it!" I thought.

A scary looking woman came out and greeted us, she was the warden of the hostel. She asked me to fill up a form and then showed me a room on the first floor. With the paint peeling off and half the wood of the extremely small closet eaten by termites, the place had a gloomy and shabby feel to it. The only good thing about this room was... well, nothing good about the room save the view from the window.

"Umm...What say??" asked my Dad uncertain what to say. I replied with fake smile, "I like it, it's large, has a window and a bathroom as well." , "ya , a bathroom which smelled worse than a public 'sulabh complex'" was a thought I kept to myself.

"OK beta, Take care, study well, Don't worry, We are just one call away." said my Dad. "No, you guys are 10 hours and 755 Kms away. ", I thought. I gulped my tears back and smiled my fake smile again and kept it plastered on my face until his car was out of sight. I was all alone for the first time in my life. I had been dreading this moment ever since I made up my mind to come to this city for my college education. I dragged my feet to my small room on the first floor, aware that every girl around me was watching me with curiosity. I was sure I looked like a lost puppy.Correction, a lost puppy fighting tears. I reached my room and closed the door behind me and was all ready for a nice cry when i noticed another girl in my room. "OK, I'll save the tears for later." I thought.

She was my room partner. I had not anticipated that I will find my roomie this soon. I was somewhat glad and somewhat worried. "Hey." I said tentatively. She smiled at me. "OK, this one seems friendly." I thought.

"Hi. I'm Meera and you?" She asked.

"Sandhya Aneja, What's your full name?" I asked.

With a shrug of her shoulders she replied, "Meera. I don't have a surname. I like it this way." she said with a finality in her voice.

I thought keeping my mouth shut would be the best thing to do.

It wasn't that I was unfriendly but I felt a bit awkward around new people and it took me time to get over it. The cocooned atmosphere at home had done this to me. Meera seemed to be the same kind of person. We carried on unpacking and making our beds.

Later at dinner, I sat with a few other "freshies", they were good to talk to and kept my mind away from the fact that I was away from home and was eating horrendous mess food. OK, I knew I was eating ugly awful mess food with each bite. Never forgot about that.

After reaching my room, keeping the promise I had made to myself, I did cry myself to sleep, missing my nice fluffy soft pillow at home.

Next day, I got up early and got ready ahead of time to go register for my classes. Near the main staircase in college, I bumped in to a huge bunch of students, seniors. "Oops! sorry. Umm.. Can you tell me where the office area is." I said.

"Freshie ho??", came the reply.

"umm.. yes.", and at that, they started cheering and a few of them started circling me.

My common sense told me I was at the wrong place at wrong time. I stood still.

"Chal beta, introduce yourself.", said one guy with a wicked grin, "in shudhdh hindi."

That was just the beginning of ragging A.K.A "intro" as it is called in colleges these days.

And so I washed clothes, waited tables in canteen and mess, danced, sang, copied assignments and did God knows what just in the name of "intro".

For the next few weeks apart from seniors; teachers and a few fellow freshies made my life miserable. Introvert as I was, my only solace was the sanctuary of my room and when I wouldn't be running errands for seniors and working on infinite assignments, I would sit by the window and cry silent tears missing home and longing for the sense of belonging. In case my parents called from home, I would fill my voice with fake enthusiasm and tell them of my imaginary friends and whatever imaginary things I did with them.

My first assumption about Meera proved right and thus we talked only when it would be utterly necessary. And one month passed just like this.

Now atrocities by seniors lessened and I got used to the grueling schedule and the  heaps of assignments.Also my crying sessions by the window reduced.

But what remained was the loneliness I felt at times, as if I was standing still watching the world pass me by. And the worst thing about feeling lonely is that it turns seconds into minutes, minutes into hours...
Then this problem was remedied as well. During one lab-class I was paired with a bespectacled girl with wayward curly hair. She seemed quite friendly, and we talked, talked and talked for 2 hours while doing our work. I felt like everything I had kept bottled up in the past one month was spilling from my lips. She was a hosteler as well, and lived in the same hostel. I was amazed that I never saw her. Priyamvada was her name.
"So, are you gonna do this assignment tonight?", she asked at the end of the class.
"umm.. ya, may be."
"Hey!! Why don't we do it together, You can come to my room , if you want to, my roomie won't mind at all. " priyamvada suggested.
"ohk, its not like I've got anything to this evening"Isaid, "apart from sit all alone by the same old window, and look at the same old road with the same old people passing by", I thought.
That day I went to her room in the evening( abandoning my "sitting by the window" ritual) and met her roomie, Vaishali, who just like her was friendly and kind. Now whenever I would find spare time, I would go to their room and we would talk and joke and laugh. For the first time I had someone who I could call my friend in the hostel. And for the first time after I had come to the hostel, I started seeing it as a place where I belonged. And with passing time, the hostel building seemed less desolate and less gloomy and more lively.
That year on Diwali when we were all leaving for home, I felt like I was leaving my home. Everything about college and hostel was imprinted in my memories, the mess, library, classes, ragging and friends.
And I was looking forward to coming back to my 'home' away from home. 

Misunderstanding

This is a true story.I met someone on a train, let's give her an imaginary name say Saatvika .Me and Saatvika,we both were getting bored in the long journey (no wonder,anyone would),so we started talking on different topics,be it politics,sports or celebrities and then came the most sensitive topic 'friendship' ,and we talked abut relationships and how a small misunderstanding rusts it.

Saatvika then started telling me about two of her very good friends who were good friends themselves became prey to a misunderstanding and now they barely talk to or about each other.Let's give them some name just to keep their identity a secret ,as this might hurt their feelings.They were called Mithila and Raagini.
Saatvika met Mithila and Raagini when she was in class 9,she was new in the school and both were already studying in the same school ever since they started schooling,Saatvika noticed one thing that both cared a lot for each other and seemed like best friends,soon Saatvika became friends with them,and many others ,all of them different in nature and liking but hanged around together because of the bond of friendship.
Then came along Anushka who became good friends with the entire group,Anushka or Anu for short was a good natured happy-go-lucky girl,and she instantly became great friends with Mithila and Raagini.At first Saatvika,Mithila,Raagini and Anu all used to sit together and do things together ,then slowly Saatvika started feeling ignored and no doubt she was ,because may be the other three felt and thought alike,but Saatvika never minded.Then Saatvika ,Anu and Mithila came to know that Raagini was suffering from blood cancer!!
They were all shocked ,but Raagini took a promise from three of them that they will not tell anyone and will never show pity for her.The topic of Raagini's illness never surfaced from then on until Raagini would be ill in school.
Then started the problem,Anu was closer to Mithila as they both lived nearby and went to the same tuition classes,a kind of trend amongst students.This kind of sparked jealousy in Raagini,not because she was possessive but because she wanted to be closer to Anu .She started behaving like jerks and voicing her jealousy.She would complain that they two are engrossed with each other and do not care for her,every time Saatvika would try to say the same to Raagini,something would stop her,so just to get her out of her foul mood she would divert her mind towards other things,but these tricks didn't worked for long and Raagini would take her anger out in paper with poems that would all say just one thing that nobody cares for her,this would hurt Saatvika a lot, because she really cared for her.Time passed with bits of arguments and bits of fun.The group passed class9 and moved on to class 10.
Things started well,but Raagini's jealousy overtook her sanity,and she would burst out on the other three that they don't need her and yet they never let her be alone.One day Raagini fell really ill at school and the other three were just trying to help,but she got really angry for no reason, slapped Mithila in front of the entire class and stomped out of the classroom.
Mithila though good at heart was a human being,and felt really bad about the slap and swore never to talk to Raagini again.Raagini knew in her heart that she did wrong but her ego stopped her from saying sorry.But she had her reasons for slapping Mithila ,though very unreasonable,which she told Saatvika later when they were all in class 12.She couldn't bear for the others showing excessive care for her,and mistook it to be pity,this thought maddened her and she directed all her anger towards Mithila.
Time passed and they both would talk at times when there was no choice and they had to communicate by any means.Then something happened which gave the final blow to the already broken frienship.
It was before winter break ,Mithila did a terrible mistake,she along with a few others tore a chart telling the class time table,especially the mathematics part.
Why mathematics I asked,Saatvika told me then ,that the chart was made by one of their classmates who was always linked with their mathematics teacher.
After the vacations when everyone came back to school,the same mischief created drama,the chart girl started crying and accusing another mischievous group,Mithila was absent,the classteacher was about to punish the accused girls,when Raagini stood up and told the truth,Saatvika tried to stop her .
Raagini was a girl with strong ethics,wnd had the courage to apeak against the wrong.Satvika knew her values well,but she thought it wasn't a good idea to tell the truth when the classteacher was in such a foul mood.
Mithila when came back to school got punished.She blamed Raagini for it,and then they never talked.She misunderstood Raagini and saw that she did it but never saw WHY she did it.If by any chance anyone took the name of the other in front of one they would change the topic.Raagini detached herself from Anu as she was close to Mithila,Saatvika remained friends with all as she was always neutral.
Then in the end of class 11,Mithila admitted that she acted and Raagini and Mithila both said they wanted to talk .
Saatvika arranged a meet for them an they both talked ,no doubt they talked,but talked like strangers do,had many things in their hearts to say,which never reached their tongue.
Even nw on meetings of the entire group,in parties they talk but never seem to enjoy each other's company,it seems as ifthey feel awkward around each other.
This was the end of a great friendship in a most undesirable manner.
They both misunderstood each other and thus they are still suffering.

She will come back

My friendship and acquaintance with animals dates back to the days when I was a kid and used to visit my family village. I loved animals and at our home in the village I used to find all sorts of animals, be it buffalo, or goat. My grandpa had a dog named Michael and my uncle had two dogs named Pepsi and Pluto . My uncle even had a monkey named Rani which means queen in Hindi.

Then , my father was transferred to another town where we lived in a quarter alloted to us by the firm in which my father worked , and there i befriended a cat and named her Manno । Later we moved from that town to another town.
here I found a pup who grew into a full size dog in 1 year in front of my eyes, although stray dogs don't really have names yet I used to call him Motu because he was the healthiest of all the other pups.But due to some reason we had to move to another house after one and a half year,but i think God always had a new animal friend for me ready at wherever we moved.So at our new home i found three beautiful white pups just 2 months after we moved there,i named them,Goru,Kannu and spotty according to their physical appearance.
These pups would usually stay around my home,and would start scratching the door of my house when they would be hungry.They slept in our balcony on the doormat.They were like those silent partners for me who would take all my pains,my griefs and problems from me.
Then they grew and stopped coming to my home,except one,Goru,who had always been my favourite amongst the three.
She was an all white bitch and had those beautiful eyes which seemed to plead for love.Always smiling ,she seemed,begging for love through her eyes.Goru would still seek refuge in and around my home, while the other two would be wandering on roads,looking for treasures on piles of dirt.
As time passed the bond between Goru and me grew stronger.I many a times asked my parents if we can keep her as a pet,but the answer would be straight NO.
"Dog is a big responsibility! Blah Blah!!"
But yet i would feed Goru with the leftover food and loved her as if she was mine.Then she became pregnant and around one year after i found her she gave birth to three beautiful pups.
But it was severe winters and wen her pups were around two weeks old one fell ill,i tried to take care but all in vain,and then,one day Goru was whining more than ever,it seemed as if she knew her pup is not well,and that's why she is whining.Then we realized that she wasn't whining because her pup was ill,she was whining because she herself was ill.We asked a vet and gave her the prescribed medication.but at night she had kind of an attack.and then at four in the morning started wailing,i wanted to run to her,tell her that she was fine ,and if she's not she will be fine.
But my mother said that what if she's dieing,would you want to see her die and terror of terrors struck me ,and i lied there,numb in my bed,eyes open,her beautiful eyes swarming in my eyes .
At the daybreak,I went to see if she was in the small house we had made for her but all I found was her Pups,looking for their mother.I went looking for her but never found her,living or dead.
Her pups died without her,despite all our care.People said she died somewhere farr from home and so he never came back,but I don't believe them.I still believe ,she is there somewhere pleading for love through those eyes,wagging her tail.And on e day or the other she will come back to me.yes,she will come back.